“If You Can't Do It Mentally, You Won't Be Able to Do It Physically." An IIR Student on Volunteer Training and Azov

An exclusive interview with student and volunteer Sofi Prayne.

Sofi Prayne is a second-year student at the Institute of International Relations at Taras Shevchenko National University of Kyiv. Despite her civilian status, she volunteered to go through combat training to understand firsthand how the Ukrainian military works.

Before the start of the full-scale invasion, Sofi lived in Germany, so she enrolled at university later than usual. That's also where her call sign comes from — 'Nimets' ('German') — since she has German-Ukrainian roots.

In a lengthy interview with DeTalks, the student talked about the challenges of preparing for training exercises, her path to conscious volunteering, and how she came to know members of Azov.

"I decided that sitting it out in Germany while the other half of my heritage suffers just isn't an idea I could live with. I decided I wanted to live here. It's so much more peaceful for me here. I live here, study, volunteer, and go to training exercises."

On Training Exercises

"'Vyshkil' in English is 'military drill.' It's hard to explain, because training for civilians is different from military training. As for duration, volunteer training exercises can run anywhere from a single day to several weeks. They teach and prepare you almost to the same standards as the military. Though how civilians are treated during training is, of course, a bit different.

It can be compared to Basic Combat Training. In other words, there's no such thing as 'can't' or 'don't want to.' There, you either see it through to the end, or... there's no other option. Or, well, unless you break your leg. But there have been cases where recruits got injured, and their comrades still decided to carry them and finish Basic Combat Training together. On regular training exercises, though, you can still stop and sit down for a bit."

"They go easier on you, because you're treated as a civilian who decided to look through a different door and become more conscious of things."

"There are a lot of organizations that run training exercises, but Azov is the one I prioritize. I know there are other organizations too, run by servicemembers who are on rotation and don't want to sit around doing nothing, or who got wounded and can't return to the front, so they decided to focus on instructing instead."

On the 'Introduction'

"We had a lecture on tactical medicine from Azov at our institute. I met the instructors, and it turned out I really 'fit in.' I saw an announcement on social media for a one-day training exercise, decided I had to try it, and went. I kind of 'crossed paths' with Azov. Ideologically, it turned out to be the closest to me. I like that I share views and personality traits with a lot of people there. And, however it sounds, Azov brings hearts together — I met my boyfriend at the last training exercise."

"I feel alive with Azov."

On Expectations

"Going into the training, my attitude was 'let's see.' I didn't have any expectations. Expectations in general can be harmful, so I didn't build any up. I just told myself: 'You need to go, you need to see, you need to work.'"

"If you can't do it mentally, you won't be able to do it physically. Because a person's limits don't end where they think they do. They're much further out, but you have to get to that 'further' first."

On Service After Training

"I have a really great example of this. My last training exercise. A friend, call sign 'Som' ('Catfish'). He started processing his paperwork, decided to go to a training exercise — and now he's in Basic Combat Training. In other words, he joined Azov. The group of us from the training exercise — about ten people — saw him off to Basic Combat Training. We put him in the van and told him: 'Don't come back without your patch, and whatever you do, don't ring the bell.' He's alive, healthy, checks in with us now and then, and we're happy for him. I also know a few other guys from the training exercise who want to join in the future too."

On a Three-Day Training Exercise

"I had to buy a sleeping bag, containers for myself, a mug. Basically, you're given a list, and you go down it and 'pack up.' If you pack wrong, it'll be hard.

Before that, I practiced: I slept in the sleeping bag for the first time in my life, at home on the floor. The next day, we gathered. I 'sat through' my classes already 'in uniform,' so to speak. I signed up on pure emotion, and then I'm riding the metro thinking, 'What did I sign myself up for...'

When we gathered, they made us 'work out,' because we'd gotten a little off-topic in the group chat. We did 20 burpees in front of the bus. Then they picked us up. The bus, of course, had its curtains fully drawn. Before that, we signed documents taking responsibility for ourselves in case of injury.

When we arrived, our cool instructors came out to meet us and asked: 'How are you? Get here okay?' We said, 'Yes' — and then it started: blanks firing, someone throwing some kind of smoke grenade at us — it was all just a blur. We stood in a plank position with our gear on our backs. Some people's gear fell out because they hadn't packed properly. And then at some point we started running and had no idea when we'd stop or what would come next. It's all 'random.' Especially the first time. Then we each grabbed a tire. I picked the biggest one, by accident. We raised our arms and stood like that. So there, we basically went through a little hell. We crawled with that tire, did squats. Even though I'm into sports, at one point I felt really sick and had to step away. Both the girls and the guys were getting sick, since there were a lot of newcomers.

They brought us back to our senses, and we headed to the base. It was made up of dugouts. They were 'luxury' dugouts, honestly. They had wood paneling, particleboard, and wood stoves. They lined us up, told us what to expect next, and sent us to rest for a bit.

By the rules, unless it's morning or lights-out, everyone runs everywhere. You couldn't walk. You also couldn't be alone. In other words, you move as a combat unit — minimum two people. If someone needed the bathroom, you'd run there together. The bathrooms were little booths. The girls' had doors, the guys' didn't. You got five minutes to eat.

We were split into two platoons. Each platoon had two squads. As it turned out, since I'd already done a training exercise before, I ended up in the platoon with more experienced people. I was the only girl among about 19 guys.

On the second day, from early morning, we had physical training, blank-fire drills, trench assaults, and tactical medicine. And after lights-out, we had a 'stress night.'

They woke us up at 2 a.m., and we got dressed in five minutes. Whoever came out first had to hold a plank position until everyone else was dressed. We were so sleepy we couldn't even line up properly, which really annoyed the instructors. We ran, did squats, and so on. I don't remember exactly how long we did that for, since time just felt endless. Then we went back to our dugouts. I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep, but it turned out no one had slept. Our wood stove was rattling, and I said, 'I feel like a grenade's about to land on us soon.' And a minute or two later, an airsoft grenade actually dropped on us — and it was time to get up again.

This time, they 'worked us out' harder. We lined up in rows with tires for speed drills, passing tires to each other. Whoever lost had to do squats and push-ups with them. Then they put us back in a plank position. At that moment, I didn't feel mentally or physically bad exactly, but tears started running down my face. The instructors were actually very compassionate."

"They pulled me aside and explained that it's normal, and that crying doesn't make me a weak person."

"The next morning, they let us sleep in until eight. It was the last day, and we really didn't want to leave. That day, we had shooting practice and trench-digging technique. After that, they gave us a lot of parting advice, we said goodbye to the instructors, they 'worked us out' a little one more time at the end, told us to come back with good results, and said they'd be keeping an eye on us. And then they drove us back to Kyiv."

"No matter how much you prepare for a training exercise, you'll never actually be ready for it."

On How Loved Ones React

"My dad prepared me for it, because he realized there was no point trying to stop me. He funded everything I needed, gave me some advice, and shared his own experience. My grandmother took it well too. They just told me: 'Don't be a hero, take care of yourself, and check in.' There's really no point worrying about me.

I'll definitely keep taking part in training exercises. A hundred percent. It's what I live for. I feel truly alive in moments like that. For me, this experience means there's nothing I can't do. There's no such thing as 'I wasn't made for this.' I don't have any sympathy for people who hide from it. Fear exists, but as someone who's constantly fighting her own fears, I understand that if you're not doing it, it's either because you really don't want to, or you just don't care."

For People About to Go on Their First Training Exercise

"Pay attention to what clothing you buy. That's what protects your skin and what you'll be living in for however many days or weeks it is. It's also better to prepare physically — do at least some kind of workout. And always look into which training exercise you're signing up for. There are a lot of scammers out there who want to profit off you, who think of themselves as great instructors, but who'll say things that will only make it worse for you."

"And don't be afraid of anything. You should always act from character, because character carries you through everything."