High Ideals That Don't Match Reality: How Romance Novels Shape Our Perception of Love

How romance novels influence our perception of love.

Romance novels have remained one of the most popular book genres for a long time. These works don't just entertain — they also shape readers' ideas about relationships, influence their outlook on life, and prompt them to think about the nature of feelings.

The DeTalks team looked into how romance novels affect our perception of real love, and what consequences this can have.

Who Reads Romance Novels

Love is one of the key human emotions, which is exactly why stories about it resonate with so many people. Romance novels depict emotional experiences familiar to readers, and tell stories where feelings for another person take center stage.

According to research, about 82% of romance novel readers are women. As University of Exeter professor Helen Taylor notes, 'romance novels put women at the center of the narrative.' Many romance novels, in fact, are written from a woman's perspective: heroines face challenges familiar to women in real life. So readers can compare themselves to the heroines and find shared elements in their own experience.

How the Genre Shapes Our Perception of Love

Romance novels can significantly shape readers' ideas about relationships. Literary critic Janice Radway, for instance, notes that books in this genre give readers a sense of care and attention they may be lacking in real life. Reading about ideal partners lets a person temporarily immerse themselves in a world of romance, which helps them feel desired and loved. This can serve as a kind of escapism — an escape from reality.

But the genre's influence can also be negative: readers can develop high ideals for relationships that often don't match reality. If a partner doesn't act like a beloved book character, people can feel sad and disappointed. Some even start looking for a new love, hoping to find a 'more perfect' partner, instead of working on their current relationship.

At the same time, the genre can help readers better understand their own feelings and expectations from relationships. Readers get the chance to analyze their own romantic experiences, figure out what matters to them in a partner, and even reconsider experiences they've already had.

Romance novels also shape ideas about gender roles in relationships. In this genre, men are usually portrayed as strong, brave, and proactive, while women are gentle, emotional, and dependent on the man's choices. This can subconsciously reinforce traditional notions of 'masculine' and 'feminine' behavior. Contemporary romance novels, though, increasingly depict equal relationships, where communication, mutual respect, and emotional support matter most.

Shaping Expectations About Relationships

Romance novels often shape readers' worldview. They form ideas about what relationships should look like and what's most worth valuing in love. The genre's clichéd plots and characteristic motifs help form certain behavioral patterns in readers' relationships.

As far back as 1986, researcher Helen May Sterk identified nine main plot stages in romance novels. This structure itself contributes to shaping romantic ideals, since people repeatedly encounter similar scenarios of how relationships develop.

• “The Meet-Cute” — the characters' first meeting, which plants the idea of 'love at first sight' and the search for one's 'other half.' This can foster unrealistic expectations about a fated, destined love.

• Conflict — often presented in books as a threat to the relationship, even though in real life, it's part of any healthy relationship. Some readers may absorb the idea that any misunderstanding is a catastrophe, rather than an opportunity for growth.

• Growing Closer — circumstances that force the characters to spend more time together. This stage often also reinforces the idea of 'fate' — the characters might try to walk away from each other, but end up together regardless. It emphasizes the idea that a relationship is impossible without constant interaction.

• Deepening Feelings — this is usually where passion emerges, developing through arguments or conflicts between the characters. Sterk notes that this stage can romanticize toxic relationships, since arguments and dramatic conflict are presented as a sign of deep love.

• Harmony — the moment when the couple reaches mutual understanding. It's often portrayed as the final point of character development — their personal happiness only becomes possible within the relationship. This can foster the idea in readers that a person can't be fully happy and self-sufficient without love.

• Betrayal — the moment when some major disappointment destroys the characters' trust. This reinforces the idea that reconciliation is nearly impossible.

• Crisis — a turning point when the hero realizes the value of their loved one and fights to restore the relationship.

• Reunion — the happy ending, where the couple gets back together, most often through marriage. This approach can reinforce the idea that relationships always have to reach a certain 'happy' ending.

• The Final Test — the characters' relationship's last test, confirming the strength of their feelings. This plot device supports the concept of 'love that can overcome anything,' which can create a false impression that any relationship difficulty can be overcome through the strength of feelings alone.

Romance novels tell stories where feelings for another person take center stage. They can entertain, inspire, help readers better understand their own feelings, and provide emotional comfort. At the same time, this genre's books can shape expectations about love that aren't always realistic.

So it's important to remember that book romance rarely has much in common with real life, and that real relationships require joint effort and understanding.